A Bare Christmas Tree

It was a half day at school today. It is Veteran's Day today. I have nothing against soldiers, but I do not like the idea of military and war. There are better ways to help the world. The whole War in Iraq is disgusting and shameless. Defense and military are necesary for a nation's defense. Yes, of course. Have I not studied history and played games like Age of Empires? (Now don't laugh at that.) But if it weren't for human ignorance and bigoted ways, there would be no need for military and war. There would be no need to mourn the death of soldiers or commemorate our veterans and the terrible but "patriotic" situations they beared. But you know what? Fuck that. If people insist on wars and killing and disrespecting each others' beliefs, religions, and cultures then fine, they are still doing some good for the world. They are helping to end human lives which will indirectly slow the rate of human population growth and minimize the ill effects that our disrespectful, greedy, inconsiderate population reeks on the natural world and our fellow humans and animal friends. If I sound cruel and heartless to those of you who support war, please take a moment to really consider the situation in both cases: the results are the same if the motives are somewhat differing. In one instance, people are killed to relieve our planet's envionment from the tons of toxic waste products we throw back into Mother Nature and to save the human population itself from overpopulation and the human expansion into natural lands. In the other case, thousands of people are killed and cultures are destroyed to "resolve" conflicts between two peoples sepearted by ignorance.

As long as there are more fronteir and resources to conquer and expand upon, our economies will continue to grow and people will be happy. We have expanded into much of the physical world and even a world of wires and signals of our own making. But all this won't last out much longer. What to do? I see the fronteir either in space or in a popular, booming new field such as robotics. There is so much to expand into in outer space. Our human population can be provided for for centuries and centuries with this fronteir open to us, even if our numbers expand exponentially and our influence and potential to reek havoc or good increases by the power rule.
..If only we could find a way to make something out of the seeming emptiness of outer space. Really, all these worries could be banished if we could just resort to a more efficient and stable system:an equilibrium. But will this ever happen? The chances here are slighter than finding a medium of travel that could surpass the speed of light. Why? It's in our nature. Curiosity. Greed. Ambition. I, myself, host these qualities. I want to achieve. I want to be great. I want to learn more, and I love progress. People acclaim progress, but really what we need is to achieve an equilibrium within the human community. That would ban all scientific research, arts, entrepreneurship, charity:everything that our people value, everything that I value. The people can't do it, even with this large new generation full of dratty, young ones that don't care about world issues and don't know how to work for their keep and stone themselves and accomplish nothing productive. We should bless these kids the most. No, my equilibrium will never work. Nor do I wish for it to work. I would not be happy. I would be stifled. Others will not be happy. They, too, will be stifled.

I am not happy that my brother wants to join the Marines. He is so intelligent. He has so much potential. He underestimates himself. He could do great things in many fields where he shows exceptional inclination and talent for:computers, science, math, and government. He is going through this stage where he is searching for his identity. He wants to be more than an intelligent boy. Kevin tries so hard in sports. He is athletic, but unfortunately he is surpassed by many others. Why do boys beat each other up over this? I wish Kevin would just be satisfied with who he is. He beats himself up over himself. Internally. This year has been much better for him than last. It is hard for him and I to meet many dates with the restaurant and my parents' strictness. Of course, since Kevin was unable to make some important dates, other boys harassed him over it, calling him a wannabe who was unwilling to put forth his full effort to his sports in addition to lacking much athletic skill. Those bastards. I wish to strangle them.

The same kinda went for me with Robotics last year and even this year. I am sorry if I can spend all my time for the team, if i can't make many meetings, and if I could not take whole days off work for different important get-togethers and a whole week off for the National Championships. Also, why does credit matter that much. Teams should encourage as many people as possible to contribute in whatever way and amount they wish too. It's their passion not the credit that counts. People have different values or demands to meet. So what if certain people only give so much to the team and others give it their all? At least they are still giving. People act like it's better if they just weren't on the team and didn't give anything at all. If I had it my way, why in the hell would I not choose Robotics over restaurant work? My brother is luckier in that sense. He gets to take so much more time off work than I. But then I had that whole summer free at Harvard. It was my most wonderful summer and one of my most happiest days ever. I don't think I will be the type to be homesick.

Kevin did the sweetest thing today. He decorated his crush's locker with pink strawberry starbursts, her favorite, that he had been saving up for months. He created the words Happy B-Day ...(I can't reveal the name, that would not be kind of me). How sweet. I wish Mother would allow us to date. I wish my brother could date her. He would treat her like a princess. It would help him and his self esteem and his happiness. Anyways, I just wish he didn't feel like he should go to the Marines to gain new experiences and the hardships of life to become a new man. There are other ways, better ways that he could better help the world and himself.

Well, the computer is broke for sure at the restauarant. That will make it much tougher to take orders tomorow. Luckily, Stepanie and Tim are coming to help. Stephanie came to help at the restaurant for like an hour this afternoon. SHe thought it was fun! I was surprised, and happy. She is a quick learner and I believe she will do well tomorow. Many not so bright people always appear at the restaurant. It's so frustrating to work with them!! ANd then there are the bright book nerds who are idiots in real life work situations. poor mother, she has been working 12 hours a day daily becuz father is away. For three weeks! Usually she works about 7 becuz she and Dad will split and have their little breaks. I try my best to help out and spend more time there to relieve her workload. I worked from 11 am - 2:30 pm and then went to visit Aspen Grove and went home to do some laundry and sweep the garage and some quick homework(ended up ony getting 2 math probs done and translated one baby paragraph in Spanish-was too lazy and didn't really care) and then I went over to the restaurant at 5pm to work till 10pm. It was a pretty slow day. Back in them old days when I wasn't so busy with school and such and never needed to go home to work a few hours on my school work and scholarships, I would spend whole days working 12 hour shifts at the restaurant. Those days seem so far into the past(sophomore year). I haven't had to do that in the longest time.

Well things I am happy about today:
I wrote an email in Spanish to my friend from this summer, Doris, who is from Honduras. She sent me an email in half-half, becuz she knows my Spanish sucks at the same time that I really want to learn.

I went to visit Aspen Grove the first time after I quit since last March! How terrible of me to not have done it sooner. I would have except that there was this girl I wanted to avoid who wanted me to help her work in the mornings becuz she didnt think she could do one person shifts even after I had already quit. I was like I am sorry, I had to do it one person always and I quit because my schedule is too full. And now you expect me to continue coming to work after I have already quit and not even get paid. I willingly give when there is a good cause. This was pure laziness and stupidity. The girl kept insisting and begging me to do it for her for volunteer work. She is shameless. Move her lazy bones and do some work and put in more effort! (she never had to do it one-person, that was my job becuz the cheap boss always stuck me by myself to serve the 25 residents because I was the only one who could manage all that work-Trust me. It's tough running back and forth between the ALzeimers Unit and the regular assisted living unit meeting the demands of the insistent resdients. It was always wise to come in half an hour before my starting time just to prepare all the juices and milk and water and and jam and coffee and toast and butter/cream on all the tables and extra plates and silverware,set the tables,etc.) Doesn't sound too bad. Why don't you try it.) ANwyays, I visited a lot of the old residents and surprsingly, they all remembered me and were really happy to see me. So much has changed over there. The place is now full for the assisted living section and James is no longer the chef. The nurses are all different and so is the manager. Some residents I used to know have died. That was something I got used to working there. It was not rare to hear that one of the residents had fallen down and gotten terribly injured or died from diabetes or an injury. It is so jarring at first but then you just come to accept it and get used to it.