Musings at School

So I am returned from the AP Bio exam and in McCormicks enjoying the liberating feeling of pressure off my shoulders. I figure if I did bad it's already over so what will more worrying do? Yes, I will have to say that the exam was a killer. I think I probably got a 4, but I really want a 5. On the very last page of my essay portion I bid my reader goodbye and wished him happy reading because those poor graders have a ton of boring Biology essays to read.

Stephanie Cho, how in the name of fire and earth do you expect me to screw AP exams? It's just like how I can't screw the ACT's or SAT's. Despite the fact that this Bio exam won't give anything to my curriculum next year (so basically it is a worthless c.u. if I manage to get a 5) I can't help but to think and act like it does matter a whole ton to me. SO yeh, I studied from 9pm-1am yesterday for it and I am glad I did because I covered a lot of curriculum in it that I recognized today. I haven't eaten anything but a vegetable soup and apple sauce since yesterday morn cause the wonderful thing about feeling sick is that it curbs your appetite. Otherwise, I have a beastly appetite. But actually, today I feel much better except that my throat still hurts like hell when I gulp so that is part of the reason why I don't like drinking fluids or eating.

So yes I still haven't mentioned the others at Prom. Sarah Miller had on the most gorgeous blue dress, and Colleen was a bold and funny dancer. Tim had on a sweet looking suit but I can't pinpoint what it reminds me of. Stephanie had on a light pink princess dress with a matching pink purse and she was really sweet to take Scotty as her date. Caitlin, Emma, and Jenny all had princess crowns so I was real jealous of them and I tried to take it off Emma's head but she wouldn't let me . Jenny and her date Chris made me dance my weird moves and then laughed at me because all my moves I picked were as weird as possible (intentionally so). Kyle had on a lilac vest and when he wore his glasses he looked like a business man from the 18th century and he got to dance with Alan (hehe). And there were a ton of other really pretty people all dressed up for the occasion and I will upload the pics from prom.

A Fat NO to Human Uniformity

I have just arrived back from Steph's party but under the presumption of mis padres that I had been working on a physics project with Nicole so please shush or you will get me kicked in the face.

It was quite fun, and I enjoyed making an annoying fool out of myself. At moments I feel that I can run all around and act like a crazy animal. It would be a liberating feeling. I kinda accomplished this feat of acting like a crazy animal. I still held on to a serving of restraint though.

And sometimes at moments when nothing is wrong I will feel overwhelmed with depression. I feel like crying in a field of soft grass and moss with no dog poop or bugs.

Tengo una problema en mi familia no me gusta. Espero que escapar esta problema pero hay no otra manera. No puedo decir esta problema.

Sometimes I feel as if no one understands me. Kyle comes close to. My parents aren't anywhere near understanding me. Well,but you see there is one person who truly understands me, and that is me. Somehow I must learn to be truly satisfied with this idea. Anyways, if everyone were like me and understood me in and out and thought as I did I would lose my sense of identity and uniqueness and feel horribly bored with the uniformity of humanity.

My Day and My Dream Yard

Today was a good day for me. My classes of AP English and Calculus are basically over because I had my finals for them today. I think I did well on both. I was happy to get a 58 out of 55 on Part I of Calc final, but Aaron beat me with a 59.
Not that I mind. If he was a mean guy and beat me I would be mad, but he isn't so I don't care.

And after Mcdonalds Aaron dropped me off at Monroe Elementary for a boring School Board Meeting that I have had my share of but Mrs. McCormick had insisted that I attend cause they wanted to commend the BPA, DECA, and Robotics teams at the meeting. Plus, my brother went there earlier to help petition that Mrs. Fettig and Mrs. Gant don't get pink slipped. See what Bush's stupid education policies lead to??? Mrs. Fettig and Mrs. Gant are two of the most hardworking and awesome school officials. Just cause they have laid off too many teachers already... But the counseling office is already understaffed. There are some more worthless staff members that could be laid off! But rather, if it weren't for Bush's worthless No Child Left Behind Policy educators' jobs won't have to be lost.

Anyways, then I went home and helped Mom pull out all the grass by its roots from the sides of the house so they don't grow under our house and somehow screw up its foundation but I don't know how. There are two large patches of dead grass and dirt in our front green lawn. So I took some of the grass I pulled out and planted them into the dead part so that grass could grow there again. Hope it works. Those two patches look like crap, but then I was never one to care about how lawns look. Lawn maintenance takes too much work. Someday when I have my own house, I want trees to grow naturally and a garden of wildflowers and bushes. In autumn I would let the leaves gather upon the lawn and I wouldn't rake them because that is part of the natural beauty of autumn.

And if I became a millionaire I would have a personal tropical garden with tropical trees and flowers and a sparkling pond and water fall with warm salt water with a cool coral and tropical fishies swimming around the coral. I would snorkel in my pond in my free time. I would have chimpanzees and parrots in my tropical garden for pets. I would also have acres and acres of large open fields dotted with wildflowers and bushes for my herd of horses to graze upon and roam freely. Maybe I would make my pond a huge lake (but it better be huge cause I don't want my animals to feel encaged) and have dolphins in it. Maybe I could live on the harbor and link my salt water lake to the ocean so my dolphins could come and go as they pleased. I love animals and especially dolphins but I don't want my self pleasure to infringe on their liberties. Animals do have feelings! Especially complex,intelligent animals like chimps and dolphins.

Anyways that is my dream house. Haha, this reminds me of when I was in elementary school and me and my brother both grabbed the hugest sheet of graphing paper we could find and drew out the floor plan of our dream house, including crazy back yards. My brother's included its own fire station and police station and hospital in the back yard so that in the case of some terrible emergency he would get immediate care. It is funny how I remember this-it's like deja vu. I don't think I have once recalled this in years! Wow I wish I could just tap into my memory bank and remember everything that I ever learned or did or said or heard or smelled or touched from the moment of birth. It would be like a movie that I could play anytime.

Peacful Coexistance with Xanga

I shall not convert completely to Xanga but only partially. From hence forth, I shall post my entries on both the blog and the Xanga.

Today i took my calculus final part one. I had some trouble following steph's calculator notes but I think I fared pretty well. I am currently in the broadcasting room waiting for a ride home. Laurie's mom is doing a crafts show. She is making leaves out of clay. It looks pretty neat.

I am sure looking forward to after Thursday when English and Calculus finals are over. And I am looking forward to prom too. I like to try on my dress everyday a few times because it is so pretty. I will be going to Steph's at 4 to take pics and then Sara Millers to hang out for two hours before prom.

There are so many activities in the last month of May for seniors. i am starting to feel sad-I don't want high school to end so fast. I am kinda sad to be schooling at a college 8 hours away from here and my family and all my high school friends who are mostly schooling around here. Before i would have never suspected myself to be homesick. Now I am imagining that I would be.

I go now but leave thee with a question that really bugged me in the last few days because I am so surprised by how my peers think upon the issue.

If the law stated that the drinking age was 16 instead of 21 does it now make drinking over 16 but under 21 "right" merely because the law stated so? Even though the same exact act was commited?

If you ask me, drinking underage is no crime although it should be highly advised to drink responsibly to avoid any hurt. I do think that it is wrong to drink and drive because it is dangerous and can hurt people. otherwise, this should be a matter of personal choice

The Princess of Ethiopia's 18th Birthday

Once upon a time in a far away land named Ethiopia there lived a beautiful, kind, intelligent, funny, and charming (along with a whole host of other positive adjectives that would span 100 pages single spaced if all listed) princess. Her name was Princess Linda.

It was the princess's 18th birthday and all of Ethiopia was invited to attend her grand birthday ball. As she stepped out of her beautiful castle in her stunningly beautiful yellow gown all the male guests fainted and all the female guests turned shades of green and purple with envy. It was such a catastrophic reaction that the kingdom's entire naval, army, and airforce was sent into the battle scene and whisked the sick guests away to hospitals. All of Ethioipia's hospitals were overoccupied and so the bordering ally nations willingly opened their hospital doors to house the other guests. That week those in the medical career all thanked Princess Linda for her clever tactic in boosting their business.

Princess Linda scheduled a second birthday ball the following week, but this time was clad in a plain brown rag and no men fainted and all the women felt beautiful next to her. Princess Linda was so saddened by the lack of attention she received that the very same night she committed suicide in the palace garden. The next morning the gardener found her dead body stabbed 3 times in the heart with a sharp kitchen knife, and her blood oozing green liquid for she had also poisoned herself. Furthermore, she was hanging from her favorite apple tree and her neck was slit open. It seemed that she had killed herself in 4 ways. To this day, scientists still debate and study her corpse and the death scene to determine the order of the events in which she attempted to kill herself and which killed her first.

Written by Princess Linda of Lambertville-her evil twin

Frustrations and Hilarity

I had a pretty good day today. Business at restaurant was slow.

I gave blood and the ordeal was long but full of my antics. I shall cherish that experience as one of my proudest immature moments. I freaked Cassie Zahm, my escort, out when I faked falling/fainting as she walked me from giving blood to the food table. She dove forward to catch me and then screamed in frustration when she realized I was faking. Haha! That was one great moment.

Plus I freaked a nurse out twice by faking like I was about to puke while giving blood. And with the heart thing i was supposed to squeeze i started tossing it around and playing catch with it instead. And I totally screwed up the questionairre sheet I was supposed to fill out about my physical and sexual activities. I scribbled all over it instead of neatly filling in the bubbles. I would not sit still in the damn red chairs to wait for my turn and ran all around talking to all the NHS volunteers. In 4th hour I sat myself by the foods table and chatted with Steph and challenged a boy named Matt to a building contest with the foods-1st: who could build the strongest bulding out of 20 rectangular cookie packets. 2nd: who could build the prettiest building out of the same material. The damn boy beat me twice in a row. Plus I laughed so hard I overturned two chairs and landed on the floor. And I refused to sit down for 15 minutes minimum after giving blood. I rushed off to Homeroom only to return to te gym for 6th hour to skip out on part of the class. Yes I am just so proud of my stupidity, but I am recording this in my blog so that in the future when I read upon it I realize what a big dork I used to be. Oh future self Linda. How old are you reading this? Are you still me? Or are you a completely different person? Like I am so different from the person I was 5 years ago. But then I am in my growth era so major changes are expected.

My mom's English is rapidly getting better. She has made the same progress within a month that I had made as a kid in elemenatry school in a whole year. Could I ever be as fluent in another language as I am in English? Would I think differently if I thought in a different language? You know like I think in my head in English and my mom thinks in Cantonese. And Majla thinks in Bosnian or German. Majla's camera crew fromn Rotary came today to shoot scenes of Mr. Harley's class. It was so damn boring to watch that they had to make Mr. Harley fake some lesson plans to be more exciting. Otherwise we were just busy working on the Theorem Worksheets.

Ok like I am frustrated with myself but I can't say why online. I want to be a little more confident about something. It's humiliating. I want to act a certain way and I immediately shy away the moment I am faced with the situation in which it is high time to and tall and proud. I embaress myself!! What is wrong with me? ARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGG NOOOOOOOO!!!! Monday I walk into school proudly and will try to correct my errs.

How about one on my life-something more concrete than my ideas

The end of senior year is so eventful. I had national competition for BPA at Anaheim for 6 days although yes, it's true, I only spent one hour of it on my event in which we did not place in the top 7 of. Funny thing was I barely gave a damn. I had made it into Nationals by some miracle and there wasn't anything more to look forward to after Nationals. Now if there were Internationals...

I got to know the peeps who went with my to Cali pretty well and they are a cool bunch. I had lots of fun, a little bit of depression(just a touch), a touch of home sickness, and a lot of monetary frustration. Please!! I felt encaged because everything from food to travel cost outrageously much. I wanted to visit some of the places I always went to and lived and my old friends when I lived in Cali but because of money I couldn't. Who knows when I could next visit Cali? And when I next do, I am renting a car. So I resorted to swimming, football, and other less costly sorts of entertainment which I did very much enjoy. I got a tan too! Easily.. Kevin Lay got racoon eyes! Oh and I went to Disneyland/California Adventures. I wished I could have gone another day. I have so many fun memories there and I was one of the few who could appreciate the unthrilling but cute rides. I had to admit I was somewhat disappointed by how unthrilling they were. My memories defied me but then it was based on a totally different view of perception-through a young kid's eyes in which these rides were very thrilling.

So today I went to McDonalds to work and it was pretty fun I thought. It could be a potential job! I do want real employment. Tim kept teasing me cause the boys in the kitchen supposedly all liked me. It was embaressing, funny, and flattering all at the same time. Was it my outfit? It couldn't be. It was in no way showy or unique. Dark jeans with a olive green t-shirt from BPA Nationals and green bead necklace. Well, it sure does make one feel good to know he/she is attractive to members of their opposite sex(but more preferaably of the same sex to some people ;)

Oh yes I did make Kyle agree to come to Prom!! He is coming with this Brazilian exchange student who really wanted to go but needed a date. Except I did tell her he was gay so it isn't a date only someone to buy a ticket with. The poor girl moved here and has had trouble making friends. I can't believe I have been so indifferent towards her before. I was always friendly but never went out of my way to befriend her. Next time I am inviting her to hang out with me when I get around to it in my busy academic schedule. Which reminds me that I detest physics and Calculus. The latter is boring. The former hurts me head and I don't understand it and I got a freaking D on my last test!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh well I just need to maintain a B for the semester in that class and I won't freak out.

So yeh there is much to say but I do need to catch up on all my homework from the days I missed while at Nationals. And I am frustrated with typing.

Essay of My Beliefs

I have not posted in typing in a long time and yet I have commented much on my views on religion in Stephanie's Xanga in which I want to myself keep a record of so that in the future I shall look upon it and note the ideas and feelings of a 17 year old-so headstrong and yet so confused. Also I want to share with others my ideas and challenge them to think outside their box for a moment if only to retreat back inside after reading what I have to say. I must admit that I myself am guilty of some degree of narrow-mindedness. I am not easily swayed by my peers' arguments in favor of the existence of God, but that is not because I don't want to believe. I do. Only, I can't fool myself and trick myself into thinking that I really truly believe. I only partially believe. There are too many other possibilities, albeit less desirable, but oftentimes more logical and supportable with hard evidence.

Below I have copied and pasted all my philosophical/religious responses to Steph's posts:

Although I must admit I still do not comply with many of your views, I do truly admire how strongly you stand to your beliefs and faith. I, myself, am still caught in a limbo trying to understand the universe, life, and the human soul. I will say that although in many of my posts I take the side of the aetheist, I am actually not. I am, rather, unsure about the existence of God. I can make arguments for myself for either side and both to be equally well supported. I will make this statement. There is no proof for a God or for that there isn't one. Much of your strong faith is based on exactly that-faith. I am naturally a skeptic. I will critically question one who states firmly that there is no God, no past lives,or no eternity of the human soul as promptly as I would question one such as yourself-so sure about the validity of the Bible and its teachings and in God and Christ.

You see there are the miracles like the picture of the tears and eyes and the dreams that was shown in the assembly and many more such as these that science alone can't explain. But actually...in studying some very abstract sciences there are explanations for such phenomena but then these explanations support the theory, also, that there exists some sort of supernatural entity-thus proving the existence of God. And so science can just as easily "prove" the existence of God as it just as easily denounce these "proofs". For you see, science hasn't yet and may never disprove the existence of God but only to disprove the theories set forth trying to prove the existence of a God.

I like to say to such "proofs": I do not claim to know whether or not God exists. But I do know this. This does in no way prove the existence of God. And then I would explore the reasons why that the "proof" was no proof.

And you know the truth...Deeep down in my heart, I wish there was a God. Sometimes I really feel like there is one who understands me in and out. There have been occasions that may even be passed as for miracles that tell me there had to be some Godlike force behind it. And I believe this Godlike force exists for everybody in the world although there are many, opposing interpretations existant that try to explain it. It is the same good force for all despite the billions of interpretations and yet because it is allmighty is is adaptive to everyone's differences.

When my mom was about 7 she lived in China with her 3 siblings and parents in a small cottage/farm. One night when everyone was in a deep slumber she dreampt that some voice (resembling that of God) was calling for her to wake and save her siblings and family because there was a fire. Sure enough when she woke she ran into the next room with her sisters in it to find a fire just ignited when the incense for one of the Buddhist goddesses fell upon the wooden table and sparked. Already it was quickly consuming the room and yet her sisters slept soundly. ANyhow, she managed to save her sisters and the house save for half of that room. My mom claimed that the voice belonged the very goddess whose incense lighted the room afire but upon my further questioning she said she didnt really know. She knew it was a Godlike force and it spoke to her but she saw it not. I personally believe that it was the God-this universal force that so many people find so many ways of worshipping in this world. ANyways that is just one story of many "miracles" I have that would be put in my "support for existence of God" databank.

But then always my critical, analytical side kicks in with another huge argument which I care not to divulge more of(as I have already talked enough about it and probably picking up too much grudge from the many Super faithful Christians that read this Xanga). So rock on everybody and smile and remember to love our diversity and not grow bitter and hateful from them!
Posted 4/28/2005 at 8:43 PM by ellalinda

I dont mean to be a Bitch but you know I so disagree with you on everything religious. ANd knowing me, I can't resist to give my argument and dissenmting side. DOn't take any of this personally. Our ideas and beliefs clash, and I will rot if I let this entry stay without debate.

"If evolution is true and the big bang is where it all started, a tornado must be able to go through Home Depot, tear everything up, and result in a beautiful, fully functioning two-story house. If that ever happens, let me know. "

What?? Your argument doesnt even make sense. Science makes sense. It doesn't make something neat out of something messy. Study the Big Bang Theory before you bash it. The universe perfers entropy so actually it would perfer to keep the mess the hurricane made a mess and not make a house out of it. Making a house out of it takes extra energy. Doesnt breaking something take so much less energy than firxing it? Well the universe perfers routes that take less energy and let me tell you your argument doesn't comply with the universe's rules.

Plus, isn't God supposedly all powerful? If this is indeed so why does he not make a beautiful house out of a hurricane wreck? If he is all-loving and forgiving why does he send those "sinners" and non-believers to such a terrible place as hell? What does he do with the majority of the people on this world who are rasied up in an environment that supports some other religious standards not guided by the Bible. You say everyone in the world has been exposed to Christianity and has had the opportunity to convert to Christianity. This may be true. But you and most Americans have been exposed to Buddhism. WHy AREN"T YOU CONVERTING?? YOU AREN"T GOING TO MAKE IT TO ENL:IGHTENMENT IF YOU DON"T!!!! Steph, people can't help but follow the standards taught them in their culture and family. You can't expect these people to "do the right thing" and convert. True True. Quote me the rare few that do break away from their standards and convert to Christianity. But isn't that openly ignoring the huge majority??? How could such a perfect God show such examples of wrath and do something to the effect of flooding the entire world to kill all people, sinful or not, and save only one family and 2 of each animal not to mention that story is almost fairy tale like and unrealistic. FItting 2 of every animal on an ARK?? Ok...with God's al.might power that could be possible...

Let me explain a little of th Big Bang, and now I don't claim to be an expert although I do love reading books on theoretical physics. The Big Bang, however it started-probably some cycle-is the theory of expanding gases that react to create more complex elements and through billions of years create the complex reactions we know today. Life is merely a result of chemical experiments-random merely but yet not for it satisfies the laws of the universe. It is so impossible for you to imagine that the universe could evolve from some gas particles and a big expanding force and yet this can all be backed up by mathematics and chemistry and physics. How did God originate in order to create the universe? Why ofcourse he is an eternal force who has always existed! What backs up this theory? FAITH, by God. FAITH!! The tool and excuse of people needing some explanation for the supposedly unexplainable miracles in the world and wanting WANTING for something to exxist for them after life. WE ALL want this. It is a part of our animal mentality. LIVE-LIVE-LIVE. NO I can't accept death!!! But with something a certain future that can be guaranteed to us after death-if only we worship this supernatural force-why we would guarantee ourselves one wonderful place to live in after death! Sounds jovial. Let's go. All I have to do is to blindly force myself to have faith and worship all of God's wonderful virtues. What's to lose?? Oh those terrible, sinful nonbelievers!! They will surely be sent to hell.

Oh and don't forget this human written Bible backs up God's existence. Sure people once believed just as devoutly in mythology but those people were fools. Ours is very, very credible.

Oh and a World without Christ...PLEASE. If you love and appreciate Him then rest assured you will make it into his Heaven and receive God's blessings. I don't believe in him as a SAINt and savior. SO I am afraid that I will be sent to hell to burn if the Bible is correct. It is wonderful you have the beliefs you do but you shouldn't shake your head cause others don't share it. We are all entitled to our beliefs. What makes yours better than everyone elses'? What gives you right to shake your head and belittle the virtue and humanity of others? As I see it most Christians are only a bunch of narrow-minded bigots.

SO YOU Again I differ vastly with you in my views of religion.. PLEASE don't be offended. Sides we have had our number of bashes in English last year over this subject. I still think you are a wonderful person. ONly I tried so hard after reading this entry to keep it in but I can't. I HAVE to respond and blast everyone to please at least hear a dissenting side. Continue to believe what you want but not so doggedly. You see other views are as virtuos and deserving as yours. DO NOT PITY or feel sad for those who dont believe in what u do.
Posted 4/19/2005 at 11:30 PM by ellalinda


I am glad to see you are as adamant on your views as I. I still remain unconvinced as you do since reading my argument but at least we both got our chance to voice our views. Anyhow I don't feel like typing another diatribe. By the way, I have an aunt who moved to America and converted to Christianity from Buddhism who I am very close to. She likes to teach me her religion. I have read parts of the diary and I love debating religion with people whose ideas oppose mine. I do not believe in the Bible religiously although I agree there is some historical credibility to it. Nevertheless I am not an aetheist, I am actually a peist-one who believes in a God but does not follow a religion. I do not follow many of what Christians teach because I disagree with it. I do believe there is an all-mighty, all-loving force. So no. I don't not believe in the Bible because I am misguided. I just dont believe in some of it.
Posted 4/20/2005 at 3:46 PM by ellalinda


Anyhow, I do agree that while the Bible does teach many good morals and love, it can be at the same time very hypocritical. Hypocritical as shown in the actions of this God who at times does not represent the all-loving and wise figure he is supposed to be but mirrors the wrath of humanity.

Kyle means to say that people are in nature good, but that doesn't mean they are always good. This is the belief of humanistic psychology. All humans sin. That's a given. While it is true religion has united many people, it is most often when they unite to fight a common enemy. In a way it is merely strengthening one sides' forces to better fight a greater enemy. To unite a people under something holy and pure like religion, one can really fool themself into thinking "Yes, We are on the right side fighting the evil or wronged enemies." And do not forget the countless crimes and injustices people commit under the name of religion. To persecute or disrespect the Jews or other religious groups. To war under the holy name of God. In this case it isn't God's teachings that are wrong. They do teach love and peace. It is the people that twist his teachings to back up their motives so that they can claim that they are in the right. Yes I know what Stephanie would respond to this. "But this is what the Muslims are like, not Christians. Those Middle-eastern people are evil. Their religion teaches them to kill Christians and those who don't follow the Muslim belief" EARTH TO US HYPOCRITES!! (No offense steph-I love you, I just disagree with you vastly in religious matters)

And what is so damn wonderful about giving up your son to take everyone's sins away? Why didn't he himself take it? Better yet why couldn't he love his creations as they are and as he has made them-Human and a little animalistic and corrupt. And why only once did he bring his son to save the people? In many examples before he instead killed most of the people that were "sinful" without much second thought.

God: "And let that be a lesson to you! I have brought a terrible end to those who have wronged the ideals that I teach so that you must learn from them and love me and my ideals and be good people. Sacrifice your soul and love for me as I have for you. (nevermind that I have broken my own ideals of forgiveness and love and nonviolence in destroying those nonbelievers and sinners)"

Oh and what is so wrong with having more than one God? It just so happens that in most modern religions, including yours, that is the way it is. Through the history of intraspecial conquest in which religion has always been a major force in, the newer forces with religion dictating the existence of one God has conquered many of the more ancient civilizations who worshiped many Gods. The point is the actual purity and holiness of the religion's teachings. While all of todays religions can differ greatly in teachings and guidelines they are almost all the same in foundation-underlying principles of love and good. To me God is merely a force of good and love that people try to interpret and want to worship. And because people are imperfect but at the same time possessing with such a amazing potential for reasoning and good (and I mean to be general with this statement for there are exceptions to everything but the very most principle laws of science) they construct religions that are full of good but at the same time tainted with hatred and human sins.

Christianity won't give someone good. I am as good as many of you devout Christians. I will not kill, cheat on a loved one, hurt others maliciously. And yet there are the Christians and the nonChristians who will do those things that our society considers "wrong" not once but many times over. It is in the people that the evil lies not in the lack or existence of belief for some religion or guiding force. Again, sadness for someone who does not share your belief is completely unnecessary if not pathetic and obnoxious.
Posted 4/20/2005 at 11:45 PM by ellalinda



Oh and yes I do know about the second coming of the Son so that isn't an acceptable comeback to yes he will save his people from sin rather than kill them.
Posted 4/20/2005 at 11:48 PM by ellalinda

Going to the Anaheim Convention 

California Adventures 

Lining up fpr Hollywood Tower at California Adventures 

Kevin in airplane flying to California 

Some random pics from Chicago Christmas trip and Class I never got about to getting onto the computer

 


See ya! 


j 


m 


ok 


ok 


okay 


kl 


.l 


j 

What do I want?

I don't really know, and yet I do with great certainty.

OMG I dont wanna post. I have other matters to tend to.

Defending Aetheism

Here is a response to some very bigoted replies to one of Kyle's blog entry. It seems like you are always attracting these sort of comments, Kyle!! Homo and aetheist all in one. Well I would not claim to be aetheist. I am still debating all sides of the story and claim now to be agnostic. AT any rate here is my arguement for aetheism. It is very brief but I can go on citing different arguments for eons. Usually I am not afraid of the opposition I receive. My opposition is usually based upon the Bible and not reason. (I would be willingly base opposition and opposing views if you give me good reason to. DOn't quote me the Bible and your religion) But then again who is to say there is any reason? Why this is a prime example I set of people ever striving to reason the universe. I can't help it. I am only human.

"Oh no I am damning myself to hell forever. I should just not be aetheist to avoid such a horrible doom. I must be good and follow the word of the Bible very literally, nevermind that its literal meaning may have changed over the years through translations, and always pay my respect and worship God for only in this way will I save myself from hell and God's wrath and ensure that I shall enter heaven afterwards.

Oh and guitanguran you are obviously not a man of science for actually this universe is far from perfect. Complex, astonishing yes. But actually there are two fundamental laws that this universe follows.
1: More entropy-More randomness!!! Not order and reason silly

2. Less enthalpy. Less energy please. Whatever takes less energy unless the mess that is created from the energy expended to make the mess is more than the energy that would have been saved

Did you hear of the argument Darwin used to disprove God? If he was perfect why would he waste resources to create perfect creatures to inhabit his perfect planet with vestigial organs (useless organs/bones and also further evidence for evolution).

You think there is reason because this is what our ever adaptive human minds make of our environments. If there was no reason and order to understand how could we manipulate our environment to better suit ourselves? There would be no system to base our actions, thoughts, and predictions on.

We are all afraid as people. Afraid of our fates. Afraid that there is nothing to follow life. That perhaps we all live worthless lives and death is the also the end of our existances.

Furthermore we are afraid of the unexplicable-the great, the almighty, the seemingly supernatural. We want to feel as if things are under our control. It is just like how our mind makes reason out of the universe's chaos.

Thus man invented religion and wa lah it offered a rather simple explanation for the unexplicable, for the "miracles". Furthermore, it put control in our hands again. If we worshiped this power or God as in many religions today we will have this force on our side, BENEFITING Us.

I may be wrong but here is my defense for aetheism. You may be devoutly religious but at least open your minds to hear this much. Only in hearing and willingly debating all sides of the argument can you claim to be anything but ignorant."

Hmmm...DIFFUSION and PARTICLE LOCOMOTION

At exactly 12:12 am and 12 seconds and 12 miliseconds into the second I finish this sentence with a period.

Good tidings. I am currently...FRUSTRATED and...HAPPY and....EXCITED and ......GLOOMY and a whole bunch of other emotions jumbled up.
Maybe a little confused but at the same time very certain and confident.

Oh my blog has become a chore to maintain and a little too academic sounding. I guess private thoughts posted openly online just seems awkward and yet I was never one to too closely guard my privacy. I am kinda open I think. In fact I can be rather pushy with some of my thoughts and ideas.

Daily home life has changed a lot for me. Mom has never before spent so many hours in the home. My girlish brawls with her have seemed to stop, or at least they haven't happened in many months. It was not long ago when I, in my anger, wouldn't talk to her for days and even weeks at a time (I think a little over 2 weeks is my max). She has changed a lot. She is becoming more liberal like me. SCORE!
Well just yesterday I gave her a little makeup job. It was her first time wearing makeup save for a touch of lip color on special occasions and on her wedding day about 19 years ago. I like natural and pretty makeup, sometimes flirty lavender on the eyes. I put that on my mom. She definately did not agree with the flirty colors. I need more confidence to go bold with solid red lip color. Plus it looks kinda creepy I think.

Well this, and my mom is obstinately trying to learn English. I am her personal English tutor. Poor Mother went through a chapter of Nancy Drew in the Blade today in class and highlighted half the page as new vocabulary. The daMN writers need to get to the point and say "busy restaurant and shops" instead of "bustling shops and lively restaurants" cause it is "showing" adjectives and verbs like these that confuse practical English speakers.

She hissed. He mumbled. She grumbled. He whispered. She muttered. He murmured.
My word!! And it is this vibrant selection of small volume speech words that also confuse practical English speakers. They all whispered!! There and be done with it.
Well, ok. I do kinda imagine a different sound for each speech word.

Isn't it funny how we think in languages? What if I didn't know any languages? Why I could barely think but the most primitive of emotions. It is true. Language takes thought to a different level.
I don't think naturally in Chinese. I think in English and in pictures and on occasion I feel in a rush of emotions no words can do justice to.
But you know I can speak naturally in 2 dialects of Chinese (and very unnaturally in Cantonese) without having to "translate" it in my head like I have to for Spanish. Icky Spanish hurts my head to speak. I have to think too much about the grammar.

OMG Math and physics frustrates me. Oh and i want to cancel my Ap Calc AB registration. That frustrates me too. That is 82 bucks that I shouldn't have spent but then I would like to get out of the Calc final. And it doesnt even count for credit at Upenn so what is the point? I am taking BC Calc next year anyways. And BC calc will be the last math I ever taste. Statistics is also a requirement for my curriculum but lucky me did that last year and passed with a 5. Now I get to miss out on Microecon and Stats next year. That makes me happy. I am going to take Chinese, Spanish, naval military science, macroecon, anthropology, philosophy, math 104 (BC Calc), some writing class, management 100 and 2 other classes I haven't quite figured out yet. OMG I am so excited. Except I thought I was sick of academics ??

A new Era

March 31st was the day. Here are the results. I would say not too good but very good because I got my "first" choice.

Acceptances first:
Univeristy of Michigan
Boston University School of Management
Wharton-University of Pennsylvania

Rejections:
Yale
Harvard
Princeton


I have more rejections than acceptances but then when a girl tries to take a chunk of the best of the best she has got to brace herself to almost definitely handle more failures than successes. I could pet myself and make myself feel good applying to safety schools but I ain't gonna go to any high places with that. But what is my obsession with places of prestige? They're juicy and out of reach. I guess they calls to my desire for competition and recognition. And where did this desire root from? I feel guilty that I have it, but I will not change myself and dampen it.

I have slackened off BIg time 3rd quarter. My perfect high school record of straight A's has been tainted by 5 fat B's on this 3rd quarter report card. I figure this semester doesn't matter to me anymore and I know for certain I couldn't get a C. B's are nice and easy to maintain. A's take a little extra effort. Only now I am feeling really uncomfortable with so many of them. Regardless of whether they matter or not I am going to try and raise them all to A's by the end of this school year.

Ok so I am excited for the month of April and a little bit about May. First, this Saturday I will be leaving on a campus visit to UPEnn. I want to check out all the classes and the NROTC program and all the dorms and residential programs.
And I will be returning 6am on Wednesday. Then a week and a half down the line I have an exhilarating trip to Cali for 6 days for BPA competition. It has been my first time returning there since I moved from it 3 years ago. SO it's like 2 hours from where I used to live. I might find time to stop by and greet my middle school buddies before they all bud off in seperate directions for college.

My mom is taking English for Second Language classes and she wants to be a home-based salesperson for Arbonne facial products. I am proud of her; she is learning to become a smart independant woman!

OK

MeLlamoLinda: hey bert
sfAnimorphic: yo
MeLlamoLinda: do you know mrs.mccormicks number?
sfAnimorphic: yeah, old on
sfAnimorphic: hold*
sfAnimorphic: 734-693-5337
MeLlamoLinda: ty bert
MeLlamoLinda: she isnt answertinh
MeLlamoLinda: do you her other phone?>
sfAnimorphic: no
MeLlamoLinda: or mrs. lang?
sfAnimorphic: nope :l
MeLlamoLinda: i have to turn in something for her to send into states
MeLlamoLinda: hey i might lok her up in the phine book
MeLlamoLinda: do you know where she lives?
sfAnimorphic: no :-(
sfAnimorphic: i think im monroe
sfAnimorphic: in*
sfAnimorphic: but thats all i could tell you
MeLlamoLinda: oooooh ok
MeLlamoLinda: ty bert
MeLlamoLinda: ok ok
MeLlamoLinda: ok!
MeLlamoLinda: really it is ok
MeLlamoLinda: OK!!
MeLlamoLinda: calm down
MeLlamoLinda: it is ok
sfAnimorphic: O_o
MeLlamoLinda: bert i am afraid you might get a heart attack and that wouldnt be good, please calm yourself. i promise it is ok
MeLlamoLinda: ok
MeLlamoLinda: ok?
sfAnimorphic: umm yea..?
MeLlamoLinda: ok
MeLlamoLinda: thats ok that yur ok with it
MeLlamoLinda: ok
MeLlamoLinda: ok man
MeLlamoLinda: ok ok is an ok word but yopu dont gotto say ok so much, ok
MeLlamoLinda: ok?
MeLlamoLinda: ok good its ok
MeLlamoLinda: man its ok
MeLlamoLinda: dont be mad at me bert, ok?
MeLlamoLinda: ok i dont think you would be mad at me bert. yeh you're ok with me saying ok
MeLlamoLinda: ok see ya bert
MeLlamoLinda: wont bug you no more ok?
MeLlamoLinda: yu feeling ok?
MeLlamoLinda: ok good
MeLlamoLinda: bye bye bert ok talk soon
MeLlamoLinda: ok
sfAnimorphic: later

Trouble

I am the causer of trouble. I selfishly mess with people to tear up their relationships and all this for my own amusement. This is what I have been accused of. Maybe taking a stand in an issue to dispel injustice is stupid. Maybe I should have just kept mum and let things continue and one to live trusting blindly. Maybe idealism is naive.

Tonight I have much work to revise my research paper for BPA. I fell asleep before completing but three sentences yesterday. I don't think I did well on my physics test today and I got an 83 on my Calc quiz that I knew everything on. 3 freaking idiotic mistakes and down to a low B. Well, my grades have definitely fallen this quarter. I am trying to train myself not to care. It is hard to break out of this academic scholar mode. I figure out of all the things in life, grades are very unimportant and so are high school boy problems.

I don't really have a boy problem, cause I haven't been involved in any real romances nor have I tried to get involved in one. I have kept happily single biding my time waiting for the perfect guy and pushing aside any interested guys that don't fit my description of perfect. I figure it ain't worth the effort cause I have a very busy schedule and strict parents. But now I have quite abruptly discarded my approach to this. I don't need a perfect guy now. Just a good, fun, and relatively intelligent person to go to Prom with and maybe even a few dates. I just have a terrible innate tendency to want to turn away and hide from any interested guys or people that I am interested in.

HEck Lunch time is Now. Now is the time. I want a punching bag to vent on. Oh and I need to strengthen my arm muscles for push ups cause I can hardly do 20 anymore. That is sad.

Agony and Indifference

There are so many things I want to say and yet at the same time I just feel like not expending the energy and not saying anything. This weekend has been crazy-happy but also overwhelmingly depressing. I cannot mention what although truthfully it would do minimal harm cause I have quickly and almost deliberately lost most of my audience for my blog. But the great thing is that by some miracle my economic research team has made it to Nationals. I could have pointed one million things that were unimpressive about our paper, ideas, and presentation and it seems so could the judges(or rather the one judge). The difference is that maybe our foes had two million things wrong with theirs plus we defended our crappy ideas well. The one judge was annoyingly challenging. He asked one tricky question and we answered very sharply but then he would question our answer and keep going on and on in that fashion until he couldn't think of another way to challenge our answer. So then he would come up with another question to do that too. The second judge was really mellow. He just looked and smiled and nodded. I liked that the one guy was very challenging cause he gave us a chance to show off our debating skills and defend the bad points of our presentation. Sometimes Majla almost totally misses the point of the question and will go on and on on tangents and I feel like yelling, "Enough!!Shush up!" So me and my brother would rush to answer every question first and outbeat Majla at it. Good thing she is a bit slow and talks slow when it comes to this. I feel bad for saying this but it is true. ANyways she did work really hard on the project and was the most motivated although I did the most work cause she loved to used the excuses, "You are smart with computers. I don't know how to makes works cited or title page. It is so confusing." or "Your English is a lot better than mine. You should write the paper." Well, I guess in a way that might be a good thing because it means that it is my work that helped us win. It is kinda funny cause none of us thought we would make it to Nationals so we were really looking forward for this project group thing to end cause every time we worked on it we fought like mad. Majla and Kevin are the worse. I am pretty bad too. We never agree on ideas and fight and annoy each other to hell. I know that if it weren't for this project I would still think Majla was one of the greatest peoples around. Now the sight of her makes me want to walk away and ignore her and hang out as friends with her at the same time.

One thing is for sure. I had a lot more fun at States than Regionals. The independence is great for one. One could momentarily forget the troubles at home. The hotel setting was beautiful although the weather terribly cold. One can only stay cooped inside a pretty hotel for so long. I got to know a few Bedford people for the first time or a little better. I didn't really hang out with them so much as they hung around with themselves. Definately a fun and nice group-a bunch of jokesters some of them are. For the most part they were a very united group that clung to themselves. I was more enthralled with the whole multitude of different student bodies that wandered the hotels. Now I look back and think I might have lucked out on a lot of the fun the Bedford peeps had among themselves. There were all these fun little pranks between the guys and girls, and nobody ever went and hung out in my hotel room. I did meet up with the Dearborn people that I had met at Regionals with and hung out with them during the dance-a very boring social gathering cause i didn't really talk or have great fun with close friends but I do love the prettiness of all the dresses.

well, hell, i haven't done my math homework or any other studying. fortunately, stephanie kershner gave me a copy of the summaries she wrote for the 5 novels that we were supposed to do. Kyle I so want to talk to you about things. You and Steph and Michelle who I havent talked to for too long. Course I already told steph all my heart stuff and she is such a great friend. But between you three every body gets told a different side and it all pieces together to make one great finished jigsaw puzzle. You can only tell a conservative, God-fearing girl so much... You can only tell a gay aetheist so much(haha dont take offense Kyle)... And you can only tell a girl who is extremely self-conscious and degrading and lives 2000 miles away so much. But I can tell Me everything I want to tell me. Still haven't started that audio diary...

yesterday when we were watching the Notebook I fell asleep halfway in even though I really love the movie and then woke to the question "Do you like Bert?" except I thought it was "Do yu like birds?" So I answered "Yes very much" and something like "Sometimes I wish I were one". I must have sounded very confusing.

Ok so Dad is off looking for someone...He can search far and near but he won't ever find that someone. I know it will take him a good ten years if he is lucky, but not if he has the side of law and power with him and not if someone doesn't betray some other. For A moment I feared that he had the former (never the latter for that would be my through my doing and I am a sly, lying bitch when I want to be but it is for the better I say) but fortunately the lack of technology of our sorely funded public services(finally I can think republicans for something) prevented such a thing. I, agnostic, prayed to God twice today. Once in the awards ceremony that our team would place and go to Nationals and once at this after climax when someone's location could be betrayed. God answered both my prayers. Or maybe it was coincidence.

Today has been a very climatic day. I have had my heart swell three sizes and also ripped to a few shreds(not too painful) and squashed a little.
Hell it is 12:30 and I am going to bed. At last I have written a good sized blog entry again. Kyle I shall find time to post on yours again.

Survey I jipped from Sarah Miller's Blog

Have you ever...
[ ] been drunk.
[ ] smoked pot.
[ ] kissed a member of the opposite sex.
[x] rode in a taxi.
[ ] been dumped
[x] shoplifted.
[ ] been fired.
[x] been in a fist fight.
[] had sex.
[ ] had a threesome - kissing or otherwise
[x] snuck out of your parent's house.
[x] been arrested.
[ ] made out with a stranger.
[x] stole something from your job.
[ ] celebrated new years in times square.
[ ] went on a blind date.
[x] lied to a friend.
[ ] had a crush on a teacher.
[ ] celebrated mardi-gras in new orleans. I think I was 4.
[ ] been to europe.
[ ] skipped school.
[ ] thrown up from drinking.
[ ] lost your sibling.
[ ] played 'clue'.
[ ] had a sleepover party.
[x] went ice skating.
[ ] dropped x.
[ ] cheated on a bf/gf.
[ ] been cheated on.
[ ] had a sweet sixteen.
[ ] had a quinceanera.
[x] had a car.that I crashed so now I don't
[x] drove.

Do you...
[ ] have a bf.
[ ] have a gf.
[X] have a crush.
[x] feel loved.
[x] feel lonely.
[x] feel happy.
[x] hate yourself.
[x] think youre attractive.
[ ] have a dog.
[x] have your own room.
[x]listen to rap.
[x] listen to rock.
[x] listen to soul.
[ ] listen to techno.
[ ] listen to reggae.
[x] paint your nails.
[x] have more than 1 best friend.
[x] get good grades.
[x] play an instrument.
[x] have slippers.
[ ] wear boxers.
[x ] wear black eyeliner.
[x] like the color blue.
[x] like the color yellow.
[ ] cyber.
[ ] claim.
[x] like to read.
[x] like to write.
[x] have long hair.
[ ] have short hair.
[x] have a cell phone.
[x] have a laptop.
[ ] have a pager.

Are you...[ ] ugly.[x ] pretty.
[ ] ok. [ ] bored.[x] happy.[x] bilingual.[ ] white. [ ] black.[ ] mexican.
[x] asian.[x ] short.[ ] tall.[ ] grounded.[x] sick.[x] a virgin.[x] lazy.[x] single.[ ] taken.[ ] looking.[ ] not looking.[ ] talking to someone.[ ] IMing someone.[ ] scared to die.[x] tired.[ x] sleepy.[x] annoyed.[ ] hungry.[x] thirsty.
[ ] on the phone.[ ] in your room.[ ] drinking something.[ ] eating something.[ ] in your pjs.[x] ticklish.[ ] listening to music.[ ] homophobic.[ ] racist.

the last
-person you hugged: somebody from the Trade Fair when it was ending but now I can't remember who
-person you called: steph kershner
-person who called you: majla
-thing you touched: the insides of my nostril
-book you read: Mythology by Edith Hamilton
-magazine you bought: Seventeen
-place you went to: Ann Arbor for Princeton Interview
-person who said ‘I love you': Nobody says that to me. My family doesnt and so dont my friends. It is a given.
-person who you chatted with: the interviewee
-perfume you sprayed: I don't use perfume-yucky man
-thing you ate: rice noodles
-drink you drank: water
-flower you picked: daffodil
-movie you rented: i download movies from my LimeWire source. The last one I watched was Anacondas
-letter u typed: don't reject me Harvard or maybe it was Please accept me UPenn
-word you said: supercalifragilisticexpealidosusususususus
place where u slept: car seat
-animal you touched: myself-steph's dog probably
-time you cried: two months ago when Mom got mad at me in the bathroom of Panda Garden

10 random things you like:reading, singing, potential soul mates, Chinese food from Panda Garden, movies, stars, a spring breeze, the ocean, dolphins, baby pictures
9 of your closest friends: Steph Kershner, brother Kevin, Michelle Ge, Kyle Miller, Cat Snowy, Sam Michael, Liz Yu, Majla CUsto, Kelly Christensen...I am not positive about this list.
8 Things You Don't Like:
7 Places You Would Like to Visit:
6 places where you’ve slept before:
5of your fave books:
4 things you want to do before you die:

I am too lazy to fill in the rest

Trade Fair

Trade Fair is over. This is my last one for many years to come for I will be missing it because of college and then probably military duty that will span the next 8 years. Oh my dear. Think of all that would change! I am depressed. And I didn't see that cute guy who worked at one of the restaurant booths this year although there were plenty of other cute ones to make up for him. Still, it is like even with 100 cute guys I won't be interested because that cute guy must have something in him besides cuteness. For some reason I could tell that the guy last year did. Saturday was very good; we topped $1,000. But Sunday was very slow and I felt sick most of the day. I also brought my laptop with me in the kitchen to work on my research project on 1984 and psychological manipulation. I don't much like my paper; I think it doesn't flow well. Maybe I have just been working with it too long and I need fresh eyes to look upon it. Tonight at 7:30 I also had an hour long interview for Princeton in Ann Arbor, and I went to Meijers to buy soccer cleats and shin guards and soccer socks. I want sleep now.

Ummm...Long time no see!

I am lazy. That is all there is to say. And a little busy-but not so incredibly so that I couldn't have updated if I wanted to. Anyways my blog is too beautiful to waste. It is the most beautiful blog in Bedford. In fact. It is the most beautiful blog in the whole world.

Well I am conditioning for soccer and giving it a shot. I like the people in it. They are fun and supportive and some are quite funny. I also tried out for Godspell but I danced like hell and a good number of people tried out for the 10 spots. I won't be surprised if I don't make it and I might even be relieved because time is precious to me these days.

I am thinking I will start an audio diary. I will record my diary entries. In this way, it is completely private and will be a lot less work than typing. Typing frustrates me. I want to say 10 things and can only type one before I move on. Well, but I will also continue to update on my blog for many years to come. My existence shall not be forgotten in case anyone cares. Hey, but it is so creepy and true how fallable our memory is. I was starting to realize this and that is what prompted me to keep an audio diary so it don't bore the hell out of everyone and take to long to note the things that are happening. I was arguing with my mom just the other day about what time of the year we had won that $5,000 in MegaMillions and was only one number away from $175 million. I swore it was only about half a year ago and in like May last year but she swore it was in Christmas time last year.

She remembers because that time there was a family wedding in New York City that we had gone too but she didn't really want to go cause it would cost a lot of money but then we won the lottery and so Dad said now we had plenty of money to spare to go. I remember it was in May because I remember going to Detroit to get the money and arguing with my brother the impossibility of the MegaMillion lottery system by applying my statististics knowledge of gambling given by Mr. Degrace after the AP exam which was in May. I said there was no way in hell that Michigan could earn money by offereing $175 million and now I can't remember what my reasoning was. But anyhow, I found out later that it was possible not because I did my math wrong but because actually(and I wasn't too familiar with the game before) they change the amount of winnings all the time based on the number of people who buy tickets. SO now the Mega Mil sums only to something like $13 million. Then the Michigan is getting well over its break even point.

Anyways see ya and leave with a little snippet of my long convo with Kyle today to fill up my blog. (the academic sounding part)

MeLlamoLinda: we were talking about hormonal imbalances versus environment versus something supernatural about t=our personalities and evilness and sexual preference and all that. i was saying 60% environment and the rest hormones and gene
For I am the DM: Good subject.
MeLlamoLinda: and i was saying we got evil in us because it is evolutionary beneficial, you know like through natural selection.
MeLlamoLinda: those who could lie outsmarted and outsurvived their opponents
MeLlamoLinda: those who were sly and sticky and didnt think black and white-or what we refer to as integrity'
MeLlamoLinda: tricky*
MeLlamoLinda: those who could form stereotypes and be prejudiced fast to makefast assumptions about certain groups of people , place etc. to be more prepared in knowing how to respond
For I am the DM: But, also, wouldn't innate goodness, parden the word, be evolutionarily beneficial? If one was always positive and everyone liked them, wouldn't they survive? No one would want to kill them then. Or cause them harm.
MeLlamoLinda: exactly all that is a part of it.there is a balance-it might be 70% good and 30% bad
MeLlamoLinda: people are very social and that is a reason why we are so successful and why dolphins are so successful
MeLlamoLinda: we work with each other and help wach other
MeLlamoLinda: at the same time those who also possessed the asbility to be tricky and lie on the side were also more likely to survive
For I am the DM: True. It does have an advantage.
MeLlamoLinda: we love, nurture each other and protect each other
MeLlamoLinda: i say the ideal ratio of good to bad in a successful homo sapien is probably about 70/30
For I am the DM: yeah, sounds about right.
For I am the DM: But the intensity of that good and bad varies.
MeLlamoLinda: those who are totally evil and selfish, greedy, and murderous dont understand the nash equilibrium and have the rest of their species against them because he/she isnt behaving in a way that is beneficial to people as a whole
MeLlamoLinda: dont you see our entire system of integrity and what isright and good is all based on science of survival?
MeLlamoLinda: it is all in our species' perspective what is good and bad
For I am the DM: I never really thought about it that way, but it does make a lot of sense.
MeLlamoLinda: in reality unless there is indeed a supernatural entity, there is no good and bad
For I am the DM: It's all what individuals persceive.
MeLlamoLinda: there is only a species that wants to survive and who are complex and smart enough to create the right "moral" codes that we all have this conscience in us to know that yes it is for the good of all people to follow them generally
MeLlamoLinda: why is murder evil?
MeLlamoLinda: it isnt
For I am the DM: Most of us just think it is.
For I am the DM: It was that way from the start, and so it will most likely always be.
MeLlamoLinda: it is to us because if it were good then people would all be murdered and the survival of the homo sapiens is doomed
MeLlamoLinda: this is something our earliest ancestors and even more primitive animals have figured. social facilitation is more effective for the group and for them than self facilitation and competitng againstall the members of their species'
MeLlamoLinda: pain is a stimulus to stop us and remind creatures that hurting is not beneficial to the survival of their species
MeLlamoLinda: thus there is actually no good and bad in this universe.
MeLlamoLinda: but even so i cant help being human and believeing that there is
MeLlamoLinda: i am a "successful"human creature
For I am the DM: Am I?
For I am the DM: lol
MeLlamoLinda: truthfully, because pf your intelligence and morality yes but not in the sense of your gayness
For I am the DM: =-O
MeLlamoLinda: that is why people think so against homos
MeLlamoLinda: they arent helping the survival of their species.
MeLlamoLinda: they cant reproduce with 2 men or 2 women
MeLlamoLinda: it is all a part of our deepest deepest instincts
For I am the DM: True. But we have a lot of people more than willing to do that.
For I am the DM: :-)
MeLlamoLinda: that is why as our society and species becomes more and more successful and able to survive(cause seriously we are doing a very good job at it) these things are becoming less and less important
For I am the DM: ...I'm not a successful human because of my gayness... I can't believe you.
MeLlamoLinda: people are becoming more liberal and tolerant
MeLlamoLinda: hello. i am thinking of things in the scientific "evolutionary" sense
For I am the DM: I'm kidding!
For I am the DM: lol
MeLlamoLinda: ok i didnt think you were going to get all up and at me like that.t aint you cause you are smart and i am able to be frank with you without you actig like a baby over it
For I am the DM: I know. DIdn't think I could fool you.
For I am the DM: Worth a try though....
For I am the DM: :-)
MeLlamoLinda: but i am one of the most liberal people i know
For I am the DM: Yes.
For I am the DM: That is good.
MeLlamoLinda: and i dont give a damn that you are gay and i dont give A DAMN about people doing drugs and being "immoral" but even though i dont believe there is right or wrong i cant help being very intolerant of hurting others and intolerance itself.
For I am the DM: wow
MeLlamoLinda: so whilei aint against robbery or greed or selfishness in its non-extreme i hate violence
For I am the DM: Heheheh
For I am the DM: Preach on!
MeLlamoLinda: unless you are low enough to rob from someone who has no food or anything i aint against it
MeLlamoLinda: then that is hurting someone
MeLlamoLinda: and actually because nature is bent on having an equilibirum and we are taking more and more for our share, the rest of the planet is losing out
MeLlamoLinda: sp actually in a creepy sort of way i let war continue and almost root it
MeLlamoLinda: i say more people should die to give other species of plants and animals a chance
MeLlamoLinda: we have more than enough of our share
MeLlamoLinda: but then the personal side of me kicks in
MeLlamoLinda: and when i hear about a person i know dying or getting very hurt whether i like them or not i feel so terrible
MeLlamoLinda: when i learn about the terribleness of diseases like in biology it is like this is all a part of nature and the game for survival but i help wanting to be on the side of people and pushing our existence outward and preventing more deaths
MeLlamoLinda: so it is all kinda a weird mixup of feelings

I have decided. Happiness is the greatest gift.

It far surpasses love, health, wealth, fame, greatness, and giving because these can never be appreciated in their purest form, because that is just the way with people.

Behind the scenes at Panda Garden

I realized that I have never talked about the people I work with everyday at Panda Garden!

"My God!" is the new popular saying here. It started with Kinkie, our good friend and waitress. She uses the saying once in every two phrases. It is said with an "uh" in the end, like- "My God-uh!" My mother who chats with her a lot then picked it up. And now I, thinking it very hilarious, have picked up my version of the saying. It is "Ohhhh, MY god!" in a valley girl voice. I repeated it to end yesterday in the kitchen. It caught on to the main chef who happens to be very eager to learn English. His name means Long Life in English. Long Life reaches his arms out and faces the ceiling with his knees bent screaming fervently, "OH MY GOD!!" He says it is more appropriate that way because he is addressing the American God.

I was trying to create a Valley Girl persona out of Long Life, but I have decided that he is more funny with his own personal empathic twist. He jerks a lot convulsively. He is a funny guy, and I like to play tricks on him. He is smart too, and plays tricks back. He is in his late fourties. I throw peanuts at him when he plays tricks on me. Peanuts are the cheapest nuts available at the workers table I work at. Almonds and cashews are too expensive to throw about recklessly and sesame seeds are worthless for throwing. My brother and I also enjoy tormenting him by making him cook stuff for us. The harder the dish is to make the better for us! Tofu is hard to work with. Pan-fried long noodles take time too. The rice patties that come with sizzling rice soup are also a nuisance to make. We will order many dishes of all sorts (can always count on my gluttonous brother to gulf it all up) and then we will exclaim stuff like, "Not enough!!" or "More spicy!" or
"Too salty!" just to enfuriate him. The show he makes is worth movie ticket prices.

The other worker is as quiet as can be. He is 18, and I don't know his name. I just as address him as "chef" in Chinese because it is much more of an honor than calling him "Prep-guy" which is what he is. Everyone else calls him "Little brother" because they are all his elder. He is often lost in thought while working and Long Life likes to yell at him when he is mid-way through an order and forgets what he is doing or when he keeps looking at the order receipts to figure out what he is supposed to do. But actually, Long Life is the only person who can get him to converse. It is rare for anyone else to get him to talk, let alone converse. When he is actually not too lost in thought to hear someone address him, he will nod or shake his head almost unnoticeably whenever it is a Yes/No question. He is very crude-his manners and behavior- but generally a good guy at heart.

Kinkie has been working with us since this summer when she was hired cause I was away at summer school and Mom was visiting relatives. She is a very smart worker and fun to talk with. SHe and Mom are getting along very well, and it is so good for Mom to actually have a friend she can converse with on many levels. You know she can only talk about so much with English-speaking friends which all happen to be the regular customers. Kinkie is like your stereotypica female. She loves gossip and speaks emphatically-thus the "My God-uhs!" She sides with my mom on almost everything and loves to talk about her little daughter who is several months old and lives in China, and what a naughty, vain little girl she is. But she says all this with pride. One of her favorite sayings is "Girls have to dress up so they can be pretty." or "There are no such thing as ugly girls-only lazy girls." I kind of have to agree with her. The ugliest girls can be made rather pretty through good make-up and dress up. Kinkie loves to cluck cluck at me with Mom about what a tom-boy I am. My hair is always knotty and tangled cause I am too lazy to comb it. My clothes don't match half the time. I laugh too loud and too much and sing outloud like a crazy girl a lot. I like to act crazy and loud and wild, which are boyish qualities to them. It was really funny one day when I walked to the restaurant with my green flip flops with gray socks and jean capris in like zero degrees weather. 1. I was crazy enough to wear capris and flip flops in winter. 2. My clothes didn't match and my feet looked like a fright with the socks and flip flops. Kinkie said it looked Japanese except the colors didn't match.

Well these are the people I work with at the restaurant!

Sharing Articles of Interest

SO what sites do I like to surf through? Here are the sites I surfed through tonight that I found particularly interesting. Some people do that-Post the articles on the blogs that they find interesting. I thought-What a great idea!

Did Neanderthals and Homo Sapiens do it?


Scientists have published data on over one million crucial DNA variations in three racial groups, paving the way for "individualised" medicines.


Five Star Hotel Under the Sea


HIV Virus could be Cure for Cancer


Theologists debate fossils vs. faith


Carbon Dating Backs Bible on Edom


UFOs hidden under electromagnetic flux invisible to human eyes but thousands of them are hovering all around us


Exclusive: NASA Researchers Claim Evidence of Present Life on Mars


Cassini explores Moon Titan


Gamma Ray Flashes in Outer Eearth Atmosphere


A MUST READ-A Synopsis on the Possibility of Time Travel


Yes, It is 2:14 am and I need sleep. I had a fun time browsing through these sites. You gotto check some of them out!!

Confetti & Truth

The human mind is like confetti of all shades, sizes, shapes, textures and weights. Together the sight looks rather magnificent-beautiful, complex, diverse. But sometimes different peices are discordant with one another. They dispute because it is hard to compromise and let all exist simultaneously. These peices attempt to make sense of their sheer number and great diversity. They organize and reorganize themselves to create a organized, sensible whole pattern. The mind believes, wrongly and often realizing its mistake but being hardly able to help itself, that there is one wholistic truth and path that must be followed. In reality, it must learn to love and cherish each and every peice of confetti.

Truth
I try so hard to be unbiased and accept parts from scientific views, religious views, and supersitious views alike. I see there is so much argument made to support each and evidence too: whether concrete or thereotical or practical. Which explains the world's basic foundation and phenomena the most? Many would think that I turn to science to explain the world. I must admit science I look to most readily. But I see there is much that science has yet to explain- many of the extraodinary phenomena skeptics call silly and even religion scorns!! Hello look at some phenomena some religions claim that are totally unexplained!! So, Go Go Go Science and conquer more knowledge!! Love truth.

Quick muse

Um, does this page take a bit long to load for you guys cause I added so many lovely pictures or is it just my lame computer that I love to death and am on way too much?

Yesterday(I want to note this in history), I called Nikki Mullin after I believe 7 years of last seeing and talking to her or anyone else from Potsdam Elementary. Man, it does kinda get me feeling "home sick" thinking about my childhood. So much has changed! I see the world in a completely different light. I am a completely dfferent person, but not really. I am still wild, passionate, loud, happy, crazy, weird, and full of energy. I am still cute as ever :P

I am still fascinated by the same subjects.

The foreign encounter

It was an English assignment-simple really- but this morning upon waking very late and preparing to depart for my daily education, I not only had no time to complete it but I missed the bus by a minute.

"Acursed contraption- hail to my calls and suspend the fourth dimension for all but me and my brother for we must now rush to you!" But no, ofcourse. It wouldn't and would never work for us through willful wishing. Turning to practicality, I speedily shifted through my handbook and personal memory book of contacts in which I could with shifty and sweet vocalizations request for transportation to the infamous Bedford High. Ryan Dougherty happily made up for the incompetency of the fourth dimension to not paralyze for a moment for me.
So upon arriving to school, I rushed myself to McCormick's classroom and printed my assignment but with the time restrictions, I had hastily forgotten to print copies of the articles. Upon realising this in 2nd hour Phsyics, I devised a strategy to get those coveted copies. It was borderline dishonest though. I filled out a pass for bathroom while we were but watching a video on electricity and in that time made a qucik excursion completely down on the opposite end of our quarter mile long school to McCormicks to print out the articles. As I guilitily speed walked towards McCormicks, I passed the cafeteria and peering in I notice a teaming of students taking the tests for No Child Left Behind. Later I would hear that they were the most ridiculously simple tests ever and asked some very random questions. AT any rate as I advanced farther on in my walking, I shifted my eyes and curiosity to a student sitting on rolly chair straight ahead to the right. It was a young man with dark brown hair and brown eyes I think. He seemed perfectly normal until very unexpectantly, he let out a inhuman howl and his eyes glazed over and showed a bright laser yellow glow. His glance caught mine, and it was vibrant with monstruos emotions; i think it was hungry or thirsty. I felt myself quickly overcame by his powerful gaze and my willpower slipping from my control. I fainted. For the first time! Even as I gave blood while barely meeting the weight minimum, I didn't faint. I never fainted, and I have very low blood pressure. I have always wanted to faint. I was so happy that I fainted at that moment, that a new surge of energy and excitement took over my enslaved neural connections and I was revived. With ease, i broke the overpowering connection the monster held on me, and I jumped up and ejaculated loudly and uncontrollably with joy, "I have overcome the beast! He is overcome! I am the victor! And I even fainted!"

I glanced over to see the boy was back to normal, and he was staring at me like I was some type of freak of nature. I laughed- I was too happy to care at that moment. But then I quickly glanced at the clock and gasped from my shock-In that time, no time had passed when I could have sworn it had lasted at the very least 10 minutes. It seems that indeed the fourth dimension had listened to my wishes when I least expected it.

Coded Feelings

Drat the spies. Drat all traitors of confidance.
I can change history and wipe away proof. I must never be too honest.
Escape is wanting but courage is lacking and time is short so trade off is unworthy.

Seething passion unwanted. Begone.
But is apathy more valued?

Well the phase will pass as always as almost always it is triggered by the similar situation. We're all pschotic in a way.

I am proud that today I worked out after school with Casey O'Neill. And we came across Lt. Mentel from the Navy, as I believe he is called. Maybe it is Merkel. Also, all the BPA stuff got done today. I missed 1st, 3rd, 6th, and part of 7th to work on my desktop publishing. Well, bless Firework but I would like to fool with Adobe Page Maker and Microsoft Publisher in the case that I advance to Nationals because there is no guarantee that they will have Firework at their testing facility. Firework gives so much more power over design even if I am not allowed to use gradients, complex graphics, irregular shapes, etc. on the test.

I believe I might be coming down with the cold. NO!!! I have done so well this year-I haven't contracted the cold virus completely while in all other years I get it at least 3 times a year completely. Now there are half ones when I contract the virus and battle it only for a day or two and it never reaches the point where I am coughing up a storm and can't control it and yu know.
Poop on the English essays. Poop on the Physics test I am sure I did poorly on. I couldn't remember the equations and didn't know I could use the book.

I better go now!

Confusion

Should I or should I not join ROTC? I feel like it would be a great experience and could teach me a lot of things about military tactics, survival, and the inside world although it will take many of my years. I can travel to distant lands and partake in good missions. Casey O'Neill exalts the military, but Mrs. Studer and Mr. Earl tell me it is not right for me. Mr. Earl says it is too disciplined and I need to be free. It is true. Mrs. Studer thinks it is a waste of my time and I should be seizing the opportunity to enter the business world and make something of myself.

Well I am in a quandary. I watched Numbers again today. I love that show even though they make the guy seem so smart but actually what he says isnt that amazingly intelligent. I understand all the points he makes, and he was talking about the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle and his brother was a aghast in awe like it was a mind-blowing principle. The amazing thing is his ablitity to think up these amazing equations except they don't actually show the equations! They show a bunch of complex looking math equations really fast and it's all really jibberish. He just kinda explains the variables of the equations which isn't hard to derive. But still if they went through all the equations they would lose all their viewing audience and it takes out the physical excitement. Predicting human behavioral patterns with math... Hmmm, I bet they actually have mathematicians in the FBI that do this so this Charley guy isn't revolutionary.

Eye of the storm?

Yesterday while showveling the snow in our driveway for the second time that day at 10pm, I glanced causually upwards at the cloudy white sky and bright moon. The sky always has beautiful things to show, expecially if it is a clear night sky with millions and billions and trillions of stars But Let me tell you, yesterday I saw the coolest thing I have ever seen in the sky. There was a ring around the moon where the sky was clear. The moon was at the dead center of it. It was pretty and pitch black with stars shining. The circle was perfectly round. But beyond the circle the sky was ashy gray. My brother and I were trying to figure out what it was. Then Dad and Mom arrived home from the restaurant just about the time we finished shoveling. I exclaimed enthusiastically for them to view this miracle for themselves. My dad proposed that it was because of the light of the moon that created a lighted circular region around it. I was like, "No way. Usually the clouds will just cover the moon too"

So I proposed that we were at the eye of a small storm-blizzard. And just about that time, the small wispy wind and still night turned to whirling and vicious winds. I was like, "Way cool! We are reaching the edge of the eye."

You know it is kind of like in Day After Tomorow except on a miniscule scale.

Hell, here I come!

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Eigth Level of Hell - the Malebolge!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Moderate
Level 2 (Lustful)	Moderate
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	Moderate
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Very Low
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	High
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Low
Level 7 (Violent)	High
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Very High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Low

Take the Dante's Inferno Test

A Look at Religion-Here is a response of mine to Sarah Miller's post. It explains a lot of my views.

As I see it, this period with all humanity's evils and sins is no different from that as described in Noah's time and no different from any other time in human history. This is humanity. This era is no more evil than another era. Humanity comes with beautiful things and ugly things such as this, but who is to say that this deserves punishment? This IS human nature-we are imperfect. The tsunami may be a warning or message of some sort as you believe, but I believe it was just an unfortunate event and natural occurence in nature. Natural disasters occur often such as this, and this event is not the first or even that rare in reference to the consequences it reeks and the number of lives lost to it.

No offense to Christian believers but what kind of perfect, always forgiving, understanding and accepting God would purposefully reek natural disasters such as that terrible flood to kill so many people? (sinned as they be) There is indeed no need to punish to teach and reform. Love, like that one guy said, and perpetual support and learning experience is what a truly good God would do to help humanity correct its sins-which by the way due to the very nature of humans- will never ever change so long as we are still "human".

As I see it we should all open up and be more tolerant. There is no need to discriminate and pinpoint the problems of humanity. It is in us all. And even the most "evil" people are capable of good and have their own reasonable motives. God gave humanity a chance to live, sinned and all, so that we can ourselves improve our souls. He will not lead us in the way he wants through deliberate catastophes.

I don't believe in hell. God would never punish his children in that way. He is all loving. His children who have "sinned" will have chance and chance again to correct their ways. No dooms day will come. No apocolypse, that is too human. Noble and great as the Bible is, I am afraid that it is taken too literally and has been tainted through translation over the centuries and driven by human inaccurate perception and self-motives. Could you trust something to stay in pristine condition and read in precisely the right way when entrusted to humans?? Did God write the Bible or did people transcribe what he supposedly said? Anyways I am obviously a skeptic. Coming from a completely different religion allows me to do so, and being raised amongst Bible followers allow me to be skeptical of my own religion. Still, most religions are based on the same basic principles.

At any rate, Sarah keep true to your faith and beliefs! I just like people to hear my side with an open mind. I am always open to the idea that there is a God because why? Because I, like all people, WANT to believe that there is something more, some divine truth and power. I also have my other theories that totally disclaim a possibility of God but that would take too long and I don't want to believe it, and for certain I don't want to offend you, being a very devout Christian.

Sarah keep up your inquisitive attitude! It doesn't matter that our views completely differ. That is the beauty of humanity-the constant quest for betterment and for truth. And diversity and individuality.

Skewing off on Tangents

Today I gave animation to my violin that had lain dormant in the dark corner of my closet for nearly a year and relatively inactive for over four years. Steph Stiemsma helped tune it for me(taking a record 20 minutes) and Mr. Thomas put in an E string after I had snapped mine when attempting to tune it last spring. WOW. Well, my skill is rusty but still there waiting to be sharpened and expressed fully.

I feel I could just drop a few of my hardcore academic classes and replace them with art and music classes if only it wouldn't jeopardize my chances of being accepted and kept for my dream schools. I had really wanted to send in a totally bogus and ridiculously retarded application to a scholarship or school of some sort. I have yet to do that...I think I will too! Name: Ima Loser; Age:6; Sex: F and M; Leadership/extracurricular involvement: President of Hallway Shoe Safety Patrol, President of Students Protesting Against Bush Organization, President of Creative Modern Lap Dance, Captain of School Freeze Tag Team (Championships three years in a row!)I don't know; I have to think about it. I have to either make myself sound ridiculously good or ridiculously bad.

Today I got so caught up in reading 1984, which I had been very behind in. I completely ignored my math and all other homework and just read and read till page 200 or so. It is so captivating and interesting; but I feel certain that no such society could ever exist because it just goes against all human nature to comply in such a way. I do find it completely fascinating that he predicted something that resembles a mixture of the television and security camera-video cam. But then maybe that is not so amazing to predict. It is like me now predicting that there will be robots more specialized and advanced in the future and holographic game systems and movies.

For a moment Kelly really had me worrying. Kelly you!! She had thought that Robotuics regional, Bedford Trade Fair, and BPA state comp were all in the same weekend. It turns out that BPA is a weekend after and I can actually make all 3 because robotics is before the actual weekend. It would be a bit much to ask Mom but I would really really really want to go!!! Championships are a must!

I attempted to go on a liquid diet and lose ten pounds. I cheated and ate some solids including fattening cheddar cheese its!! It is so hard to eat only liquids- I was stuck on egg drop soup and hot and sour soup along with juices. anyways I am not ready to give up yet. I just slipped a bit. I will continue this diet. And you watch...I will manage to find a way to gain weight. I want to be an ideal 105 lbs. I am 115. I used to be 105 but too much academics coupled with an amzing apetite is the king of fatness.

Kelly, you won't get a bob! Well, for my next haircut, I will get a bob and bangs.
It will be so totally cool looking. Kinda like Natalie Portman's kinda recent look.

Night Time

Night time is a time to sleep. It is such a wonderful thing to do. I feel I could sleep for eternity. I feel I could just reach this bliss with one easy grasp of a pistol or dagger. Swift be thy nimble fingers and no more is thou troubles of consciousness.

What is I mumbling about again?

Well I had an interview for Yale today. It was nice. It beat my interview for Harvard by 2.352 times. We talked of astronomy, psychology, anthropology, the environment and the destruction of civilization being linked to food, climate, religion. How the climate and environment and resources shape religion. Why it wasn't just coincidence but actually a factor of the environment that certain civilizations were destroyed. Why the Spanish had conquered the Incans and not the other way around. Why there was but one domesticated animal and natural wheat/agriculture for the Americas and so many for the Europeans. How small pox was so destructive. Then we talked about food and nutrition and business. And I told him of the possibility of silicon based life and what it would be like. And he told me of how much blood resembled sea water and that a dog had been transfused with sea water and still managed to live perfectly fine. And we talked on and on about interesting topics rather than concentrate on the boring interrogation of what my extracurriculars were and all. We touched a bit on the school and Yale. So broad are my interests; know not what I shall pursue because the specialization of careers in the modern world is rather restrictive.

Well Oink oink for a night time pondering.